What Haunts You?

“One need not be a Chamber — to be Haunted
One need not be a House —
The Brain has Corridors — surpassing
material place –”
-Emily Dickinson

Every night when I close my eyes hoping to drift off peacefully to sleep, the thoughts start rolling through my mind as if on a giant marquee: what if…WHAT IF…what if…WHAT IF…

I wonder how my life would be different if I had made one single decision differently. What if I had said, “No.” Two letters. One simple word. One syllable. It would have taken one second to say it. So why didn’t I?

I can probably come up with one thousand reasons why I didn’t say no. I was young. I was too trusting. I needed a job. I – I – I. The fact is, I didn’t say no. There really was no reason for me to at the time. It all seemed very legitimate. And I can’t go back now. I’m truly haunted by this decision every night, but I think as I’ve gotten older it has become less and less scary. The decision that I made ten years ago has very obviously impacted my life in negative ways, but I’d like to think that I’ve built up enough positives to at least break even. I am confident that I will never, ever, ever make a mistake of the same magnitude again. Of course, another consequence is that I am much more wary of trusting people. When making friends, this can be cumbersome, but when making life decisions I think it has become invaluable.

My mind, though, will continue to be at least a little haunted by that one stupid decision. Yes, it was stupid, even though there was absolutely no way I could have known that at the time. I realize I’m being extremely vague here, but I’m sure some of you can relate. My haunted house isn’t open to the public, but it is there for me every night when I close my eyes.

Writer’s Workshop Writing Prompt, courtesy of the Amazing Mama Kat.
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